


freckled skin

by worry



Series: fragments [4]
Category: Ava's Demon
Genre: M/M, Pining, why is writing odin's pov of anything so hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-05 20:17:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10316159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worry/pseuds/worry
Summary: Gil Marverde is not the kind of person that you love; he is blind, follows Titan like he's starving for a purpose. Gil Marverde is the kind of person that youwant,the kind of person that you think about when night falls, when darkness andhungerconsumes you. It's complicated. Odin will never love him. Gil will never want him. They're stuck in this circle, this terrifying circle, while Odin chases Gil like an animal chasing its tail, Odin eating the end of him like an ouroboros, cycle continues, never ends.





	

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: freckled skin

Odin doesn't like Gil, only  _wants_ him; there's no desire here that isn't lust, there's no fondness, there's no comfort, there certainly isn't any love. He loved, once, but - never again. Gil Marverde is not the kind of person that you love; he is blind, follows Titan like he's starving for a purpose. Gil Marverde is the kind of person that you  _want,_ the kind of person that you think about when night falls, when darkness and  _hunger_ consumes you. It's complicated. Odin will never love him. Gil will never want him. They're stuck in this circle, this terrifying circle, while Odin chases Gil like an animal chasing its tail, Odin eating the end of him like an ouroboros, cycle continues, never ends. He never reaches the ending of the story.

 

What is the ending here? Odin gets him, and then what? Gil wants him, they touch, and then what?

 

(Gil Marverde is not the kind of person that you love.)

 

* * *

 

Gil Marverde is not the kind of person that you love. This is evident by the way that he prays - Odin can hear him faintly outside of his door, only mumbles and short breaths of  _Titan_ (oh, he thinks, if only I was causing those breaths,  _if only_ ) (Gil breathing for me) ( _beautiful_ _)_ (he's not—). Gil breathing for Odin, the word Titan lost in his throat, replaced with Odin's name like Odin is the holy one. If only. If only.

 

Odin listens. Under different circumstances—such as Gil not being a follower, being _normal_ —he would let himself feel something while Gil talked, instead of swallowing his emotions down like swallowing pride. He moves closer to the door, pressing his ear up against the cold metal. Takes in Gil's voice and the depth of it. And—

 

He can make out two words:  _Odin_ and  _please._

Is Gil praying for him? Is Gil praying for  _him,_ to possess him? Does Gil want to save him? Does Gil  _want him?_ He says _Odin_  with a tone to his voice that Odin has never heard before, a tone that Odin didn't know he was capable of reaching. It's a plead, almost, a pity.

 

Gil Marverde is not the kind of person that you love.

 

* * *

 

 

Gil Marverde is not the kind of person that you love. Gil Marverde is the kind of person that you watch from afar, the kind of person that you fear. At first glance Gil looks innocent, you wouldn't fear him if you saw him, blue skin and white hair like the calming sea, like first-glance love. But Odin knows him, and it's not  _fear,_ it's not—it's not "love", either. Odin does not fear Gil, only fears what he represents. Odin does not like Gil, only wants him. These are facts. This is forever in Odin's mind.

 

_You hate him. You do hate him. You can want him and hate everything that he is. You're next to a person that you hate and all you can think about is skin and skin and skin and skin, you're watching him and through your hatred you feel serenity, and then you just hate the serenity._

 

 

And then Gil walks up to him wearing normal clothes (dark jeans and a muscle shirt,  _Titan bless_ ) and Odin wants to rip his own heart right out of his chest, wants to cut his eyes out, because Gil looks so  _good and Odin doesn't like Gil, only wants him,_ but this is more than lust, more than fear, he watches Gil's arms and neck and body and thinks:

 

_beautiful._

 

But Gil Marverde is not the kind of person that you love. Gil Marverde is not the kind of person that is beautiful. 

 

This isn't beauty. It's more like a spark; fire rising in him, encompassing every part ( _every_ part) of his body. He shouldn't feel this way, Gil is only normal in the physical, a disguise designed to make Odin tremble. He shouldn't feel this way. It is  _wrong._ You can hate someone and still think  _beautiful._

 

Gil asks him if he's okay, words drenched in genuine concern. Oh. How foolish. Doesn't he know that Odin hates him? Doesn't he know that Odin wants him, despite the hatred, despite their circumstances? Doesn't he know that Odin will think of him as he sleeps? Doesn't he know that this is wrong?

 

"Yeah, f—fine," Odin replies. He stares at the floor. Gil leaves and Odin continues staring at the floor until he hears Gil's footsteps fade; if he watches Gil leave, he thinks, he will ruin everything, and Gil Marverde will turn into the kind of person that is lovable.

 

Odin looks up finally and sees an empty room, a room only surrounded by prayer and Gil's scent. Empty. He almost misses—

 

Gil Marverde is not the kind of person that you like. Gil Marverde isn't the kind of person that you can love. He simply _isn't_ , and the story ends there.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! pls tell me what you think <3


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